


Michael's Makeover

by Kattygirl



Category: American Horror Story: Apocalypse
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-09-16 22:53:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16963005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kattygirl/pseuds/Kattygirl
Summary: This is my attempt at slapstick comedy which is supposed to be an epilogue to AHS Apocalypse season 8, episode 9. It is a brief screenplay of a scene featuring Michael Langdon and Ms. Meade in a shopping mall discussing his upcoming makeover.





	Michael's Makeover

Michael’s Makeover: The epilogue to AHS Apocalypse episode 9

Time:about half-way between the end of episode 9 and the apocalypse  
Setting: upscale shopping mall  
Scene: Michael and Ms. Mead are strolling through the mall, dressed in black. At this point Michael’s hair has grown a little and is now chin length

 

Michael: Why are we here? I don’t have time for this I’m kind of busy plotting world destruction.

Mead: Not everything is about world destruction. You have to plan for your post-apocalyptic world as well. And part of that will require…a makeover for you.

Michael: MAKEOVER?!?!? What are you talking about? I’m perfect!!

Mead: Yes, yes I know… but if you are going to rule the world as Satan’s son you are going to have to give a little more…sinister vibe. Not just the way you look but other things too. 

Michael: [rolls eyes] whatever…

Mead: Don’t get bratty with me, you don’t rule the world YET. Let’s start with stocking up on your wardrobe. You just sold 10 Apocalypse tickets at 100 million each so you have a billion bucks to work with. Saks has a nice selection of capes, leather goods, and red-soled Louboutin boots. And some Prada too... remember, the Devil wears Prada. 

Michael: and rings too…I want some fancy black Godfather-like rings. They look very ‘bossy’ and will be great for my hand close-ups.

Mead: The next thing is your hair. It’s chin length now but it needs to grow out longer below the shoulder, it will be a little more sinister looking. Those longish curls you have now are just a bit too adorable, doesn’t really scream ‘Satan’.

Michael: Really? You don’t think that will make me look more girly and Barbie-doll like??

Mead: [looks at his face for a moment and ponders] Hmmm…Maybe a little… maybe like a ‘hellish evil boy-Barbie’. But I think that you can definitely make that work! And maybe you can add some red eye makeup to bring out your blue eyes and some lip products that will make your lips look even more pouty. but long hair is definitely the way to go. Think a blond pretty-boy version of Marilyn Manson [pulls out phone and shows a pic of MM]

Michael: yeesh… you are right that does look pretty creepy

 

[at this point, one of those middle-of-the mall vendors attempts to interrupt them and show them a hair product sample. Michael waves his hand and you can see the guy start choking in the background, but they keep on walking as though nothing happened]

 

Mead: This reminds me, I know of a famous hair guy around here named Gallant – perhaps I can book you for a nice deep conditioning treatment, it will make your hair smooth as silk.

Michael: I don’t need that, it’s already naturally smooth as silk, I got the good hell genes. feel it [Meade touches his hair and nods approvingly]

Mead: Now, it’s not just your appearance, it’s also other things. Like, for example, don’t take this the wrong way but i think perhaps you should try to curtail on the crying. You tend to do that quite a bit and no offense, but you wouldn’t want people to think you are a sissy, would you?

Michael: [tears swell up in his eyes, replies in dramatic tone] YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE FOR ME! I SKIPPED PUBERTY, I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS AND THIS APOCALYPSE PLANNING IS REALLY STRESSING ME OUT!!!!

Mead: OK, OK , Calm down…. And is all this melodrama really necessary? Just think of it like this: for every tear you cry, a baby angel in heaven gets its wings

Michael: [immediately stops crying] wow, that actually works really well! Why didn’t you tell me this like 5 episodes ago?

Mead: Your tears were a part of a shady plot by the producers to get your fans to empathize with you and forgive all your bad behaviors… but there is no need for that any more. Now let’s move on to something VERY important: your sexuality

Michael: [dramatic] I am a higher god-like being… I have no interest in engaging in gross-sounding activities with mere humans… not even witches either

Mead: you don’t have to… though you might consider giving it a try, you might actually like it… but all you really need to do is seduce them, tease and make them want you, then say something mean and walk away. You just need to be a little more seductive. Like speak slowly in a half-whisper while staring in their eyes, and do fidgety stuff with your hands, and occasionally touch your crotch… and don’t forget to show some tongue. People LOVE tongue!

Michael: [shakes head disapprovingly] unbelievable… by why the hell do I need to seduce them? I can just threaten them with fire and instant death and show them my scary white face.

Mead: I know, but I think you will actually get a kick out of it once you get into it. It’s kind of a “thing”, some people have actual fetishes for that kind of stuff and get off on it. And your fans will dig that. [she pauses to notice that Michael looks a little bit confused]. Anyway, ill show you some websites about that some other time. I know that you are only like 9 years old, but you should really embrace that you have the face and body of a grown up man and one who is, well, rather pleasing to the eye to say the least

Michael: [smiles and flips his hair] well I do look quite good don’t i…

Mead: [points to the side, where there are two attractive middle -aged ladies with children in strollers. They are looking at Michael and giggling] See those ladies over? They are checking you out. In fact I can practically see them undressing you with their eyes all the way from here. You should practice by going over there and talking to them. 

Michael: why?? What am I supposed to say to them??

Mead: doesn’t matter, tell them how cute their kids are or something. Just try to practice staring into the depths their souls. And remember to act SEXY.

Michael: I don’t see why it’s necessary, but if that means you will get off my case then fine [he walks over to the women, talks for a while then rushes back blushing and flustered]

Micheal: I can’t believe I let you talk me into doing that! Do you know what they said they wanted to do to me ?!? [ he leans over and whispers quite a few things to Meade’s ear. She makes a shocked and disgusted facial expression]

Mead: What the…?!? Oh dear… perhaps two middle aged moms in the middle of a mall were not the best choice for a first attempt. I should have known they can be a bit direct. Well, we will have to work more on this some other time. A LOT. But we have a little bit of time before the apocalypse. For now, I know what will cheer you up. There is a nice Mexican place at the food court, they have great guacamole, made with the freshest avocados

Michael: [face brightens to a big smile] Yum!!!!!!!!!!!!


End file.
